I will write a more detailed version of our story soon…but here is the short version. After 36 weeks, 4 days of what had been a healthy pregnancy, I went into labor. I also realized I hadn’t felt Sidney move in a little while, so called the Dr. She said to come in. By the time we got to the hospital, I was in active labor. But they could not find little Sidney’s heart beat. It was too late, and I heard the words I will never forget, “Your son has passed. Do you understand what I am saying?” The rest of the labor was a blur, and Sidney was born still at 5:14 am on May 4th, 2016. My heart has ached for my beautiful boy every day since, and I loved and wanted him even before he was growing inside of me.
I am still trying to figure out who I am without Sidney here in my arms. I am a mother to Eli (age 3.5), a wife, and a university professor. But I am even less sure than I was before about how to do any of those things, or how to give my life meaning.
If you are another baby loss parent and would like to get in touch, please send me a message at loveforsidney at gmail dot com.
You can see Sidney’s picture under the ‘Sidney’ tab.